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Whammo (2555)

Whammo
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http://www.coept.us/

BCWarnock

Journal of Whammo (2555)

Sunday January 13, 2002
11:01 PM

Compulsions

[ #2102 ]

"From tree to tree, from you to me
Traveling twice as fast as on any freeway
Every single dream, wrapped up in the scheme
They all get carried on the relay"
-- The Who

In no particular order:

If you feel compelled to explain at great length why the unsolicited sales pitch sitting in my mailbox is not spam, it probably is. It may be legal, but it is still spam, much the same way that justifiable homicide is still homicide. By the way, "opt in" implies that I make that choice, not you, the sender of the message. And "opt out" is a full transaction - having mail sent to a perpetually full mailbox does not qualify.

If you feel compelled to tell me that I should be happy with the service I am receiving, I'm probably not.

If you feel compelled to add small print that refutes everything else in an ad but the print itself, it's false advertising. Superlatives imply a common baseline for comparisons. If you choose to gerrymander demographics, or manipulate statistics, until you can find some category that you lead, omitting such facts is simply a falsehood. And auto manufacturers, it is not at all inspiring to see you show off your latest creation by having it slide sideways around a corner, slow motion or no.

If you feel compelled to offer apologies in advance of some words or action, you've no business following through. If you'll feel sorry, you shouldn't do it. If it needs to be done, you shouldn't feel sorry for having to do it.

If you feel compelled to leave a bitterly-worded attack on my answering machine in response to my "no telephone solicitation" message, consider why I don't talk to you.

If you feel compelled to tell me that you can "better my career", it's first necessary to understand where I'm at currently. Knowing what career I have would help, too.

If you understand my needs and wants so well, why don't you offer anything to satisfy either one?

It's not my duty to support your personal economy. It's not my fault that your chosen profession has nothing to offer me. The Reaganomics era ended long ago.

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