I'm sure someone else knows the answer, and I'm not finding it fast enough, so I'll defer to superior knowledge.
I can't get more time with the computer for a while today; my SO's rightfully claimed several hours after she gets home. Time to lay back and flowchart it all again.
Hopefully, once my actual-programmer buddy out in CA is speaking to me again, my thought processes will become clear and fast-running as they once were.
After the SO finishes up I plan to parse monks, root through my code, and cobble the solution together. I put that around midnight.