Yesterday was certainly the saddest day ever since I got diagnosed cancer. It's been terrible up until this evening: crisis, fights, lies, but you see... I can now understand - lies told because in some sense it was right to tell them... to cover a truth that's hard to cope with... just as hard as reality. And reality is there, unlike a dream it won't vanish after you wake up. But reality is also wonderful, and then it's nice that it's a like a dream that doesn't vanish... and in reality sometimes you, and surely I, have to fight. But that's a fight you can feel rooted deep inside yourself the reason why to fight it. And eventually, the truth. Eventually, something you can make sense of. Less sadness? Oh no! Something that you can manage, though. I want to shot my destiny. Eventually, some relief. Some relief: fears and doubts were worse, believe that. Some relief at last.
I've just been given this book: a nice surprise because I did know that the artist, one of XX century's most influential, had been a judoka, but I didn't know that Judo actually had such an important role in his life and in his art (in this respect very interesting are the introductory parts) and that he had even written a book. It seems that only recently has it been reprinted in France and that it was formerly unpublished in Italy.
As far as the technic content goes, it has to do with Judo's six classic katas: I've not really read this part yet, but at first sight in its essentiality it seems well done. Maybe it won't be the ultimate technical handbook, but IMHO it will be absolutely interesting to all Judo practicing people who want to look at the study of katas from the -appropriate- perspective of an artist, who seemingly gained a sound understanding of them.
Plus: the border of the pages is in authentic IKB!
...That instead of of talking to her I'm writing to a crowd of possible nerds worldwide. But what is she doing in the meantime?
One can't imagine how frustrating it is that I cannot seem to find the time and resources to keep up with the journal and write in it anything that I consider to be serious and worthwile in my life... so I'll cope by occasionally writing random observations and minor issues...
I'm a liar: amongst my
Fuckin hell how could we resist that?
- Johnny Rotten, Live in Chemsford Prison.
Well, it popped up the other day, and for one thing I corrected it to Chelmsford Prison. Then I checked my archives and found out that it was the Filthy Lucre Live. And knowing what the latter is I'm not sure I want to keep this
So yesterday I updated to the latest release of AS's ActivePerl on my windoze pc. To do so, I first uninstalled the previous one. I noticed, in the control panel, that it was described as "used rarely": Funny! (Actually, my windoze copy is in Italian, so I don't know if that's literally what would have got out in the English version.)
I'm selfish. So I have been said. Actually I think I am. But not in the form and for the reasons that have been addressed to support the claim. Nor did I really understood them. Moreover, it is well known that when the person who will tell you so is one in the regards of whom you prove a particularly intense feeling... you won't accept it with such a light heart. After all I'm a very common person. A common, selfish person... and perhaps I grew too involved. Too involved with respect to the limits I had thought to have chosen, limits within the reach of which I had illusorily assumed I could safely stay, out of rational control... as a form of self defense... because self defense does sense in my case... rational control: bullshit! Perhaps I simply fell in love. And if so, then I don't know if I'm more excited about it or scared, and that's the scary part. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Today I went to a big media store here in Milan. I noticed a dvd of a movie called Basic (2003). To quote the tagline from the IMDb, "Deception is their most dangerous weapon." (Also on the cover box.) Whoa! I stay happily hooked with Perl instead.
Come to think of it... I realize I'm compulsively and intensely thinking of the lyrics... thinking of them wrt my own life as a whole. Thinking of all my life, of the last year, of the last months, of the last days, of the last minutes. And all, at different levels and interpretations, every which of them just connected to the other. Ok, I'm saying and not saying: I'm simply brainstorming. The storm is in me, and it'd better stay within me. I still have fears and dreads - but for some reason at the same time I'm feeling "violently happy" now: ain't it strange dudes? Ok, that's it!