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All the Perl that's Practical to Extract and Report

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  • ...their deceptive advertising lead me to expect that I would
    find many busty women in tight revealing outfits flexing and
    bouncing at their establishments. Of course, if this were true,
    I would enjoy working out for an hour each day.

    On this assumption, I've increased my caloric intake well beyond
    my current metabolic needs, knowing that I would enjoy the work
    necessary to counter the resulting weight gain.

    After searching in vain for a gym with as-advertised features,
    I'm convinced that their bait-and-switch tactics are part of
    a wide-spread conspiracy against hetero/bi-men and homo/bi-women
    to get us to gain weight and die of associated morbidities.

    I'm gonna sue. Gimme my eye candy, or give me cash, or suck the
    lard from my fat ass, m'kay?

        (toungue in cheek, just in case the humor wasn't clear)