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All the Perl that's Practical to Extract and Report

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  • You're an awesome bullshit artist who is capable of blowing sunshine up the darkest arse...I have confidence that you will write the most fawning prose for the PHP book. Just download some porn and have at it! :)

    • by gnat (29) on 2002.01.08 16:13 (#2880) Journal
      Thanks ... I think :-)

      It only took me an HOUR to write this shit. Here's what I came up with for the 150 word text (yes yes, it's 155, eat me).

      PHP 4 has become the pre-eminent language for creating dynamic web sites. Programming PHP is a comprehensive guide to version 4.1 of this powerful language and its applications. And because it's by the creator of PHP, Rasmus Lerdorf, you'll learn not only how to program in PHP, but how to do it well.

      This authoritative book explains the language syntax and programming techniques in a clear and concise style. Programming PHP goes into depth on fundamental topics such as arrays, text processing, and object orientation, explaining precisely how and when to use the standard functions. The many examples illustrate correct use of the language and good PHP style.

      Programming PHP also presents application development techniques for building modern web sites. You'll learn to process web forms, images and PDF files, relational databases such as MySQL, security, Microsoft Windows, XML data, and writing your own C-language extensions. Appendixes include references to PHP core functions and extensions.

      • by hfb (74) on 2002.01.08 17:40 (#2892) Homepage Journal

        Just say "PHP: Porn Hooters and Poontang. What every programmer cannot ever have too much of!" Watch it fly off the shelves! ;)

        Copy is more yuppie catalogs to get such gems like "Mug comes equipped with a handle designed to keep the mug cold and your hand warm"...holy cow man, a mug with a handle! I need 12 of those!

        In all honesty, it reads like you're stretching as the Crate and Barrel copy above. Why do people like PHP and why would they bother buying the book? I'm interested in the book because I've taken a shine recently to a PHP photo gallery application. So, the mug comes with a handle engineered for my hand...does it do anything else?

        and yes, the bs artist comment was something of a compliment :)

      • It reads like the book is as painful as you've been describing it. (And, BTW, you've completely lost parallelism in that next to last sentence, to pit a nick.)
        • Actually, if it makes the book sound bad, then I've failed. The book isn't bad now (that's the point of my editing it--to make it better).

          I'm just hamstrung because I can't say "this book is better than all the others because the others just wave their hands at what a function does, whereas we describe all the parameters, all the return codes, above and beyond the online PHP documentation, *and* we help you select the right function from a bewildering number of choices". Apparently it's poor form to say