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zorknapp (3598)

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Journal of zorknapp (3598)

Tuesday December 23, 2003
10:05 AM

The Tolkien "Dick" List

[ #16475 ]
So, if you haven't gone to see Return of the King yet, you should climb out from under your rock, and go see it. Repeatedly.

I've seen it twice so far, once at Trilogy Tuesday, the day long screening of all three movies back on December 16th, and once this past weekend.

After watching the first movie again, I commented to jjohn, "Wow, Saurman's a dick!" From this simple comment, we decided to come up with a "Dick" list for the characters in the movies.

So, without further ado, here it is:

Saurman: Pure dick

Frodo: Can be dicky, because of the Ring.

Sam: Dick to Gollum

Smeagol/Gollum: Precious Dick

Sauron: The One True Dick.

Faramir: Was a dick, but got better.

Denethor: MEGA-dick, dick!

Aragorn: Not a dick, unless you're orc or uruk

Legolas: Not a dick.

Gimli: Dick to the elf.

Balrog: Ancient dick

Theoden: Dick through Saurman, but not a dick on his own.

Wormtongue: Tool of a dick

Boromir: Dick by proxy, (see Denethor).

Gandalf: not a dick, unless you screw with his fireworks or attract foes to his party

Sackville-Baggins: dicks

Old Gaffer: not a dick, but only liked by Sam

Galadriel: very nearly a Big Dick

Celeborn: useless dick

Elrond: not a dick, but not really helpful either

Treebeard: a dick to axe wielders

The Nazgul WitchKing: total dick

Tom Bombadil: missing dick

If you have anything you'd like to add, feel free.

The Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way.
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    • Elrond: not a dick, but not really helpful either.

    Maybe not helpful enough, but he did send his elvish armies to help out at Helm's Deep.

    Judging by how close the battle was, all would have been lost - Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, you know, pivotal characters like them - without the elvish assistance.

    • I believe the elves were more from Galadriel than from Elrond. I would have liked to see Elrond do more, perhaps stay with Rohan after delivering Andruil.

      But hey, that's just me.

  • Army of the Dead: Major dicks, but now resting ones