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Journal of somian (5953)

Tuesday April 11, 2006
10:58 PM

Stalkerazzi Solution

[ #29287 ]
Watching the antics of stalkerazzi on VH1 TV recently, I came up with a fevered notion that seems nevertheless rather good to me.

The fan clubs for performers seem to be basically a mechanism by which people can get some kind of chance to feel like they are touching the lives of people they feel have touched them through their art. So why not give fans a way to make a real difference in the lives of the performers they are so madly fond of ...

Fan clubs could set up a Net-based mechanism to accept anonymous donations. Maybe those would have to be handled through offshore bank accounts, etc. These donation -- $5, $15, $25 at a time -- could be allowed to accumulate until a couple thousand dollars was available (more or less -- not having any contacts in the underworld, I have no idea really what people need for the kind of illegal services I'm proposing).

The club then could arrange to contract (secretly) with a "security company" to stalk stalkerazzi. Wherever the celebrity performer goes, there are the stalkerazzi, and there are the operatives taking photos, recording sound, and noting license plates of these subhuman fungi. Then when background research has been done, the worst offending stalkerazzi is selected and made the target of a vicious, medically severe beating that puts them into the hospital for weeks and possibly costs them permanent loss of some manual dexterity, eyesight, or hearing. This encounter with the operatives executing the administration of corrective violence would of course take place outside the stalkerazzi's home, or a bar they frequent, or anywhere else and in any other circumstance where they can be confronted alone and the performer they've been stalking is miles and miles away.

The professionalism of the "security company" is the weak link here, as far as I can see it. Unfortunately it seems that illegal drug addiction and other forms of mentally handicapping situation often go along with the professional vocation of being "muscle". But just one or two really professionalistic and careful outfits that could execute such a contract perfectly on several occasions might make a large part of the stalkerazzi problem "just go away".

Sorry if you, the reader, experiences unpleasant nervous system reactions (shock) to reading this purely conjectural proposal. If you have, I'll ask you to remember that you'll be over it in about 5 minutes. Try now to imagine the shock of having strangers confront you, of having lenses thrust towards you, over and over again, day after day, week after week, month after month, at the most unexpected and private moments when your guard is down ... try to imagine what that might do to the general condition of your nervous system, and to your outlook on life.