Beppu commented, "I sense that you like Java on some level, but I'm not sure why. It seems to stand for everything you stand against."
Here's why I like Java.
* Applets -- I wanted to write stupid little Web games. Same for Midlets; I want to write stupid little Web games for phones.
* C sucks for application development -- Java is a more tolerable alternative to the extremely tedious C approach to writing applications (C's power and speed are nice for writing language interpreters, kernels, database engines, TCP/IP stacks, etc). It's almost impossible to get security alone in C right. Any attempt is a massive undertaking that's ultimately doomed to repeated failures. Java's standard library is better too.
* Strong typing -- I've worked on large projects and I know the value of a good typing system. Of course, ML and Haskell have an even better one. Yes, it can get in the way in Java, but it's just one of those things where a little more work has to go into the code when you're on a large project to avoid much, much more work later on. The vast majority of people whining about the undesirability of a strong typing system are just zealots who are trying to prop up their favorite language which just happens to lack the feature -- the "my language doesn't have it and it works just fine so therefore I/it doesn't need it". The PHP weenies use this flawed argument all the time. I frequently post on this topic, so I'll keep this one short. Go read somewhere else if you want to know exactly what a good type system buys you.
* Java is a static language -- it has the advantage that static languages have: it can easily be compiled down to machine code for really fast apps, such as by gcj. This isn't to say that I like static languages better than dynamic ones, or that I like Java better than Perl because Perl isn't static. That would be dumb. But staticness can be useful sometimes, and when I want it, I consider Java. With Chicken of Scheme and good optimizing compilers for functional languages, this becomes more and more moot each year.
* Perl people hate Java -- I guess it's like handling a poisonous snake -- your fear and revolution is my delight. Java needs to be looked at as just another of God's creatures, not some threat or demonic manifestation, or else we can't relate it to in a healthy, Perl-ish way, and do what we Perl people do: steal all of the best ideas from it and leave the soulless corpse to be devoured by worms. Muahahahaah!!