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scrottie (4167)

scrottie
  scott@slowass.net
http://slowass.net/

My email address is scott@slowass.net. Spam me harder! *moan*

Journal of scrottie (4167)

Thursday October 20, 2005
04:07 PM

The Obnoxious Interview Plague

[ #27259 ]
Companies are getting cocky again. That means Obnoxious Interviews. Get consultants to call you. Then spot-interview them. For fourty-six minutes. Don't ask if they have time. Never mind that you don't interview consultants at all -- you get proposals from them, and you accept if you want to. Even though the consultant has been doing Web programming since Netscape 3.0 and has been programming since Dinosaurs roamed the server room, repeatedly insinuate he isn't qualified to perform basic tasks. Then attack and try to get him to confess his ignorance. For example, if he implemented strong typing for Perl and has patches in major pieces of Unix software, express your deep doubt that he is capable of writing a query in SQL. Repeatedly assert that you only hire the best, but demand immediately availability, exclusively on-site work, pay poorly, and offer no perks. Whoever is hired must have experience with high volume hosting because the little dot com business hiring you is surely going to quickly grow to serve billions of hits per second, and unless you've worked on Microsoft's Hotmail team, you aren't ready to handle the flood of traffic they're inevitably going to experience.

Fuck it. Next interview, the rules change. From now on, for the sake of argument during interview:
  1. I don't just network, I break into fucking networks, like yours.
  2. I don't just know how to set up mail lists, I send UBE from your network.
  3. Not only do I write scalable code but you're already running my code, you twit.

Fuck you morons. I was sick of you before the dot com blew out. It's just passe now.

-scott