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schwern (1528)

schwern
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Schwern can destroy CPAN at his whim.

Journal of schwern (1528)

Friday August 18, 2006
03:35 AM

Ophidians Inside A Heavier-Than-Air Flying Machine

[ #30683 ]

Saw "Snakes on a Plane" tonite. Folks, this is a dumb movie. But if you embrace the dumbness, do not attempt to analyze the stupidity you are seeing on screen and don't mind some obviously computer generated serpents its a very fun movie. See it with a bunch of friends. See it slightly drunk. See it with a bunch of drunk friends. For if you go into this movie expecting nothing more than snakes on a plane you will be entertained and probably jump a few times.

There's a certain type of movie which knows just what it is and doesn't try to be anything else. I like those movies. They don't distract you by trying to bolt on unnecessary plot or romance or character development. Sometimes you just want to see a bunch of motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane. It might possibly be the most straightforward movie made in years. It really is a movie about snakes on a plane with a thin veneer of plot on top. Nobody noteworthy is in it but Samuel L. Jackson. There's minimal setup (which could have been shaved down even further) and minimal distractions. If you want to see a movie about snakes on a plane, this is it. Let's see...

* Snakes? Dozens in all shapes and colors.
* Plane? 747 jumbo jet with the upstairs lounge, of course.

Its a huge pile of cliches and it so knows it. (There are spoilers ahead here, I guess if you've never seen an airplane or monster movie before).

* Snakes slithering around unbeknownst at people's feet? Check.
* Couple dying while having sex? Check.
* People being bitten in the crotch? Check.
* Nipple? Check.
* Eye? Check.
* Mouth? Check.
* Dog eaten whole by a giant python? Check.
* Man? Got that.
* Samuel L. Jackson being a total bad ass? Check.

In addition to snake cliches, there are also airplane cliches.

* Jokes about the effeminate male flight attendent? Check.
* A passenger has to land the plane? Check.
* Loss of cabin pressure? Check.
* Oxygen masks? Check.
* Crawling around in the avionics and cargo bays? Check.
* Really nervous about flying guy? Check.
* Stuff getting sucked outside? Check.
* Tense landing sequence? Yep.
* Turbulence? Check.

Its simple. Its dumb. Its worth the money if you go in with the right mindset.

Now here's a disturbing thought. This movie was cheap. About $35 million. Its likely to be rather profitable and will probably make back its money in just the first couple weeks. Hollywood has a habit of making sequels to profitable movies (not good, profitable). What could the sequel to "Snakes on a Plane" possibly be? Other modes of transport: "Snakes on a Train"? New animals: "Wolves on a Plane"? Both: "Bees on a Bus"? Or could anyone in Hollywood thing they could possibly pull this off again with simply "Snakes on a Plane 2"? Yeah. :(

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