Friday, January 31, 2003: Thanks for placing an order! Here's an email confirming that we got it. By the way, to log in, you have to use this arbitrary username that we're providing. Don't lose it, since this email doesn't contain details of your order, like what you ordered, what we're going to charge, or when it will ship.
Saturday, Febryary 1, 2003: That order you placed? It's verified and is being processed. We'll send you a tracking number later. Sorry, no time to include any info on what the order was for!
Tuesday, February 4, 2003: Hey, that item you ordered in order XY-12345678? "Unfortunately the item - 562998 have been placed on backorder." We'll be shipping in a couple days. In case that random-looking number didn't jog your memory, you can log into our site using this equally random-looking username to see what we're on about.
Later that day: Ok, we cancelled your order.
Wednesday, February 5, 2003: Remember that order? We just issued you a $145.34 refund, you should have it in a day or two. Thanks for choosing Multiwave Direct!
(Time passes, Ricardo forgets all about mwave.com)
Wednesday, November 3, 2004: Hey, you registered an account with us before, so this is not spam! Guess what! You don't need to use a random weird username with us anymore, you can use your email address, and a password that
(Time passes, Ricardo's rage subsides.)
Tuesday, July 26, 2005: Our records indicate that you purchased computer products from us back on January 31st, 2003 -- at 3:32:28 PM. We haven't heard from you since then, though. (Cancellations don't count, right?) Anyway, we've made all kinds of awesome changes since then! For one thing, you can change your account to use your email address as a login and a pick your own password! Woah!
Thursday, September 15, 2005: We went you an email on the 26th of July. Read it again and pretend it's new. Thanks!
Monday, November 28, 2005: Please refer to our email of 2005-09-15. Sincerely, etc., etc.
Waaauuuuugh! I almost hesiate to opt out, as I'm sort of curious: how many times will they send me the same form letter before someone writes a new one? Almost, I said; after all, it's not a very interesting question, in the end.