use Perl

Both because I'm pressed for time and this trick appeared somewhat popular before, here again is a bulleted list of opinion barfing on current issues.

• Dems walk out of Texas gov't . When I first heard about this I thought "finally, the democrats are getting a backbone and standing up to the wave of fascism sweeping America." Then I learnt that they were protesting jerrymander, that is prejudicial redistricting likely to insure a Republican landslide come next election. Now I'm no fan of jerrymandering (even though the term comes from the Great State of Massachusetts), but it's bloody disheartening to find that to these clods the only issue worth fighting for is their worthless little jobs. Poor leadership writ large. What about the millions of Americans jobless for past 3 years? Where's the sense of outrage there? Or for the poor bastards whose retirement plans evaporate in the huge corporate scandals of 2001-2002? Churchhill was right; democracy is the worst form of government, save for all the others. Texas dems, stop your cowering and take your ousters like adults. If you had only shown some "true grit" these past few years, you might be in a better position to survive redistricting.
• Matrix: Reloaded and X-Men 2 open. Big deal. Real life is so fictional at this point, History channel documentaries are escapist. Free tip for Hollywood: computer FX don't replace plot.
• Israeli tanks roll into Gaza . This happens during the anniversary of "Catastrophe day," when the Palestinians were displaced by the creation of Israel. Talk about history repeating itself!
• Car bombing in Saudi Arabia . Who the hell didn't see this coming? Didn't the terrorists get a copy of the Roadmap to Peace? George's war didn't really cool the tensions in the Mid-East much, nor did it make Americans safer. Hell, it didn't make Arabs safer either. As many Saudis died in the attack as Americans. Good shotin', al-Qaeda. Are you guys still on the US payroll? In any case, the war cost $75 billion dollars, so that's nice. That Roadmap is looking mighty dog-earred.
• Japan boosts military while Germany economy tanks . It's starting to look like World War II again. Talk about history repeating itself!
• Tastless 9-11 art . In the spirit of a yellow traffic sign, some schmuck in NYC painted a sign on a building's wall near Ground Zero that cautioned "low flying planes." I found this marginally funny, but the artist backpeddled and thus lost cred in my eyes. We are a nation that likes tasteless humor, just watch any sitcom on network TV. Hell, watch any movie with Adam Sandler. However, humor is a healing agent for loss. It's time the US got on with it's life and stopped being so bloody angry at the world for not enjoying its supreme power. 9-11 sucked. Sucked donkey balls. Wouldn't want to see that happen again. Now, bring on the court jesters! The US is the richest and most comprehensively armed nation in the world, past or present. Think back to high school. Didn't you secretly want to dump a vat of pig's blood on the most popular kids at the prom? Think of al-Qaeda as an overactive Carrie. More suppression isn't likely to bring peace, unless what you're looking for is the brutality of pax romana.
• George Bush ignores domestic issues. Besides the systemic stripping of personal liberties undertaken by Ashcroft and turning a blind eye to ruinous patent laws, Bush appears to be hoping we'll forget about those corporate thieves and liars who stole billions of dollars from investors and employees alike. Oh, that tax cut is insane and will bare maggot-laden fruit should that over-privileged, monomanical oil-monkey get elected again in 2004. That assumes that elections will be held at all, of course.
• The Democrat contenders for 2004 are the most wan and anemic collection of washed-up political hacks I've seen in at least 4 years. Can we get Tony Blair to run for office over here? At least he plays the part of "world leader" convincingly.

You got a problem with this? Comment away.

Update: Dems won't even take Bush to task over the failure to find WMD in Iraq. I knew that the Constitution requires presidents to be at least 45 years old. I guess I thought it was implicitly understood that candidates must also be vertebrates. My bad.