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jdavidb (1361)

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J. David Blackstone has a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science and Engineering and nine years of experience at a wireless telecommunications company, where he learned Perl and never looked back. J. David has an advantage in that he works really hard, he has a passion for writing good software, and he knows many of the world's best Perl programmers.

Journal of jdavidb (1361)

Monday June 16, 2003
02:12 PM


[ #12883 ]

My father is scheduled to have a tumor removed tomorrow at 2:30 P.M. CST, God willing. This tumor was found unexpectedly just two weeks ago during a colonoscopy. They actually went further in than for a standard colonoscopy and found this growth in his appendix. Good news is it's small and not even visible on a CT scan, but we're still all scared stiff. We're still scared stiff. This is pretty serious surgery, with 4-6 weeks to recover. It's conceivable he might not make it, though I suppose that's unlikely. The real worry is not that he won't be with us after tomorrow afternoon, but that what they find when they get inside might mean he won't be here much longer.

I'd grieve a long time if any other member of my family were lost, but that wouldn't leave me with the same sense of terror about the future. I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" Saturday night with Sarah and it was amazing how many little details I saw and wanted to call my dad and ask his take on. (It's our favorite movie, all right?) If I want to consult him over little things like that, how am I going to survive if he's not here for real life questions?

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  • Fears (Score:3, Insightful)

    I'm sorry to hear about your dad's situation. I understand the whole thing about "How would I do X if so-and-so wasn't here?" My approach has always been to make sure that all those things that I might regret are handled before it gets to be an issue, as much as that's possible. I went through the mental exercise of my dad's mortality a decade or so ago, and I made sure in my head that if he died tomorrow, that I would have no regrets, no "I wish I'd said...."


    • A few years back I realized that I could lose anyone in my life and be okay ... except one. That was Dad. I've had to take that exercise in two weeks.

      As for regrets, I know we don't have any, at least not the kind based on actions we've taken. Dad and I have had our arguments, but they weren't anything beyond what any two people who live together and interact go through. We're on good terms, we love each other dearly, and both of us know it. The family's taken our vacations and seen our sights, worke

      J. David works really hard, has a passion for writing good software, and knows many of the world's best Perl programmers
  • Another way by which you might look at this event is the view that "they found it, they are removing it" - This is surely the "good" side to the story (if indeed there can be one), in that the doctors have found this tumour, presumably early (if it cannot be visualised on CT, although that having been said, CT resolution can be quite poor), and are now removing it. I imagine that with the detection of the tumour at this early stage there would not yet be any confirmation as to whether the tumour as maligna
  • My father's currently undergoing chemo for a recurrent lymphoma.

    It's really bizarre to hear that my father, the man who took machine gun fire and winked at the medics carrying him out, is sleeping for over 30 hours because he's being affected by chemicals. And it really never occurred to me that he might even die, because, frankly, he's always been fifty times tougher than me.

    And it worries me a great deal that he might not be fifty times tougher than me any more. I cannot possibly live up to this guy


    You are what you think.
    • Wow; all the best for your father. Where did he take machine gun fire?

      Last year we all had to go through the exercise of acknowledging my grandparents couldn't care for themselves any more, and my father assumed that primary responsibility. We've all been preparing to lose them. Now, less than a year later, and in the space of about two weeks, I'm facing all the same uncertainty about my own father.

      This has happened to me before -- a seeming inviolate person/thing becoming violated in some way -- an

      J. David works really hard, has a passion for writing good software, and knows many of the world's best Perl programmers
      • Abdomen. There's still a pit in his lower back where it passed through (can't remember if it's the exit or entrance) but I can remember being younger and my entire fist fitting inside the pit. In front, there's pockmark after pockmark where staples were inserted (not really sure of this, don't ask much about the injury). I mention it only because, when I was younger, I apparently used to think my father had around 17 "bellybuttons". :\

        My memories of my grandparents are really fleeting -- my grandmother


        You are what you think.
  • About 5 months ago they ended up taking a benign growth out of my dad's right calf - he's had things removed before, but they've always been smaller. This was apparently the size of the palm of my hand and about a quarter inch thick. It's really harrowing to go through, but there's a sense of massive relief knowing that it's been removed and that your loved one has a better chance because they knew about it.