New house: bought.
Estimated time to move crap out: 3-5 hours.
Actual time to move crap out: 8 hours.
Estimated time to move crap in: 3 hours.
Actual time to move crap in: 4 hours.
Moving company manager who made the estimates yelled at: lots.
Deep gashes to thumb: 1.
Blood spatters on: shirt, shorts, floor, sink, deck, leaves beside deck.
Bandaids gone through on Friday: 8.
Time taken for wife to find black widow on carpet after moving in: 28 hours.
Nat's reaction to price of new furniture: JESUS FUCK! FUCK! HOLY JESUS
Maximum speed of dialup net connection from new house: 26.4k.
ETA of cable modem install drone: Wednesday.
Most of possessions still in: boxes.
Amount of time since authors had deadline to give me book for distribution to techreviewers: 24 hours and still no sign.
Number of limbs ready to tear off aforementioned authors: 8 (two authors).
Digital cable installed: check.
Number of hardcore porn channels wife subscribed us to: 0 (nuts!).
Wife watching soft-core porn masquerading as arthouse flick on TV now: check.
Number of problems our TiVo had with the move: 0.
Qwest fuckups on phone service so far: 1.
Long distance provider: none, despite firm assertions to the contrary.
Time the long distance department at Qwest opens: 9am Tuesday.