The automatic Windows Update tool installed yet more security patches and popped up a message saying that I should go to Office Update. I didn't even know such a thing existed but it seems that that it's a separate thing instead of being part of Windows Update, which would be too convenient. It lets me know that I am running Office 2000 SR-1 and that SR-3 is now out, plus a bunch of patches that need SR-3 that stop people sending you documents that include viruses. So it sits there downloading 30 meg of updates and starts installing.
Now it wants the Office Professional CD. Ok, I'll waste 15 minutes hunting around for it. Now it's complaining that it's not the right CD, because it wants Office SR-1 and the CD has the original Office on it. That's because I never had a SR-1 CD you idiots. I downloaded the update. So it won't install. Bastards.
I guess I'll have to make Microsoft a little richer and spend $200 or so Office 2003.