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Man, people who think Windows-related stuff is easier clearly have never tried to do anything moderately complex with their computer. (And don't get me started on people who like Macs.) Nothing moderately readable even comes up for IIS, just a bunch of troubleshoot this and redirect that.
"Well, that's not a dead end, but I won't get anywhere with it soon. Maybe there's a Windows setup for Apache."
No less than ten minutes later I started the download. Less than thirty minutes after I used the installer, I had a functioning Apache server, domain 127.0.0.1, just for working this CGI together.
Now, I just have to fiddle with it, set up the CGIs, and start test work. But I do want to point out to myself in the future:
When In Doubt, Don't Default To Windows Stuff.
Of course, this isn't a solution to the problem; it's just a paved road where before I would have been hacking at the undergrowth. Still, it's progress.
Oh, and I should document what I did. I made the suggested change in the configuration file (the server is 127.0.0.1 now) because I'm just using this thing for testing.
Once this project is done, my next plan is to take my Linux CD, my old 486, and a dedicated line -- and set up my own webserver. If it comes together nicely, I could have the shop site running on its own server by the end of next year.
I'm well armed for the next phase. Double Chocolate Swiss Cake Rolls from Little Debbie, a bottle of Dew in the fridge, and half of yesterday's pot of coffee is still left. Once things are chugging along with the testbed, I'll start going over some of the code from PerlShop.