Well, all that plus I have homework to do and a wrecked futon to replace. That stuff isn't perl.
if ($person1 + $person2 > 500*pound) { futon(creak); futon(bend); futon(break); }
Okay, I couldn't resist that.
Rest assured (if anybody is even reading this but me!) that I'll be a-crackin' again just as soon as inhumanly possible.