Said Linux will not install (via the handy-dandy installer) on my 486, claiming that it doesn't have sufficient memory, and I'm having trouble partitioning my 60 GB drive on this machine, mostly due to some sort of bad sector.
Note, however, that this is not your typical "minor physical problem" error. This is something seriously wonky, because no version of scandisk that I've been able to run has fixed it; they either hang when it shows up or else act like it's not there. Defrag is having none of this pretending game, though; it knows that the drive's not kosher, and it just ain't having lunch. No defrag, no auto-partition.
Since I can't defrag it, and I can't fix it with scandisk, I'm going to do the next best thing and back everything non-essential up tomorrow and format the hard drive for real. Not this flippin' "system recovery may try to format your drive, whimper, well, maybe we should just fix some files" crap that the recovery CD keeps pushing on me. No way. Tomorrow I'm going to beat this thing like a red-headed stepchild.