Elliot forced me to accept a commit bit to the Perl Critic repo.
My first policy will be *::YouArentAllowedToProgramAnymore, which deletes your source if it finds that you fail any policy, you have any use of 'no critic', you run Perl::Critic more than once on the same file, or if it's Friday afternoon. If you have your stuff in source control, you should be safe. That's the fence you have to jump over to get back in, though.
Elliot already shot down my policy suggestions for *::NotEnoughVowels, *::PassiveVoiceInString, *::MisconjugatedVerb, *::StupidVariableName, *::UsesWindows, *:;DependsOnModules, *::YouEditedThisInEmacs, *::Magic8Ball, *::YourNameIsPudge, *::YourModuleWebsiteIsUgly, and *::YourPerlIsSoLastMonth.