I'm the first talk of the day in the beginner's track, so I figured I'd give a history of my Perl use, which mostly involves a lot of sysadmins asking "Why did you peg the CPU for eight hours straight?"
I wanted to call my talk "Make Computers Your Bitch By Using Perl", but I don't think I can say "bitch" in public like that without being either Nat or Damian. It's the accent, I think.
Instead, it will be something like "Making Perl Make You a Sandwich" or something, since Chris sent me the sudo make me a sandwich link earlier this week.
There's just not enough time in the day to get everything done, but most of the time our computers sit there doing nothing. I started my technology career in physics, where I started maxing out CPUs at 5 pm and kept it that way until 7 am. If someone wasn't using the computer, I had a Perl script doing something useful. I had better things to do, such as doing crosswords or playing Mineseeper. Given some Perl chops, you can get computers working for you rather than the other way around, so you too can spend more time with Minesweeper.