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Monday December 01, 2003
05:38 PM

Web Programmer's Worst Case Survival Guide

[ #16107 ]

Situation 38: I Have Free Time

Step 1: Do not panic! As with all worst cases, the key to surviving is to stay calm. Remember, a lot of people in the world have free time and do just fine. You can make it through your free time without pain or injury if you take a deep breath, look around, and think your way out of the situation. Although this is an uncommon and rare situation, many people have survived it.

Step 2: Do not edit any HTML, web files, or programs! You may think that the way to use up your free time involves re-designing the web site, adding new features, or including more javascript, but that can lead to Situation 4: My Customers Sent Me A Dead Rat In the Mail or Situation 9: I Broke The Website and Can't Fix It.

Step 3: Do this step very carefully, because you have to use a web browser. Do not look at your web site, and do not visit web sites except this one: Yahoo! Movies. Find a movie playing near you, and go see it. Find someone else with free time and take them to the movies with you. If you have more free time after the movie, consider eating dinner in a restaurant. If you run into problems, see Situation 1: There Are Strangers In the Room, Situation 7: Food Is Served On a Plate, I Have a Date With a Girl!.

Step 4: Do not go back to work! Again, stay calm. Resist the urge to go back to your desk. When you get home, do not log into your work computer. Watch some TV. With 500 channels, something about submarines or airplanes must be on TV. If you do not have any placce to live, see Situation 5: I Live In My Office, But It Is Closed.

Step 5: If you go out with friends, do not make shop talk. Do not talk about HTML tags, web standards, browser compatibility. Jokes about paragraph tags really are not that funny. Talk about something else, like Art or Sports, although you may need to see Situation 18: The Conversation Turns to Sports or Situation 25: I Have Nothing To Talk About.

Step 6: Take it easy. Work will be there tomorrow when you show up.