blazar's Journal http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/ blazar's use Perl Journal en-us use Perl; is Copyright 1998-2006, Chris Nandor. Stories, comments, journals, and other submissions posted on use Perl; are Copyright their respective owners. 2012-01-25T02:34:07+00:00 pudge pudge@perl.org Technology hourly 1 1970-01-01T00:00+00:00 blazar's Journal http://use.perl.org/images/topics/useperl.gif http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/ Perlative! http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/37078?from=rss <p>Ok, it's been ages since I wrote here last: at some point I had claimed that I had always been half-hearted about blogs in general, but then I had started using the journal to write quite about anything that would spring to mind. The next step has been that I started (somewhat) <em>compulsively</em> writing in my "new" <a href="http://blazar.tumblr.com/">italian/bilingual blog</a>: it's actually a <em> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tumblelog">tumblelog</a>,</em> which should make for a slightly different use than a typical blog; but I <em>also</em> use it as a generic blogging platform, which completely suits my needs... (Indeed this article will be imported there!)</p><p>Whatever, back to the point: <strong> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Perlative_case&amp;oldid=213226043">perlative</a>!</strong> I stumbled upon this term by means of the aforementioned blog, since someone else had mentioned a strangely (well, <em>for me</em> - for an expert linguist things would be different, I presume) named <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grammatical_case">case</a>, precisely <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abessive_case">abessive</a>. <em>"Abessive?!?"</em> Who had ever heard it, let alone imagine it could exist? Indeed, checking Wikipedia for cases, I found out that there are so many more than those I studied in Latin! To some extent I expected so, but really, not <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_grammatical_cases"> <em>so</em> many</a>! Amongst these, one called <em>perlative,</em> which sounds so <strong>perlish:</strong> it</p><blockquote><div><p>"expresses that something moved 'through', 'across', or 'along' the referent of the noun that is marked."</p></div></blockquote><p>Indeed, it is not very common, since:</p><blockquote><div><p>"The case is found in the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Australian_Aboriginal_languages">West Australian</a> Kuku-Yalanji language and in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tocharian_languages">Tocharian</a>."</p></div></blockquote><p>Whatever, <em>it would be nice if one could find a use for a perlative case in Perl 6,</em> or create some dialect of Perl 6 which has cases and in particular allows a perlative one, possibly with a <em>very perlish</em> (i.e. pragmatic, syncretic, dwimmy) semantics: Perl in general has <em>no</em> cases, and while I see their usefulness in natural languages -for they tend to allow for free word order, which I like- I don't see how could they fit well in its syntax, even with some modifications.</p><p>*NIX shells <em>do</em> have a bare minimum of declensions, but that's a whole another story: the syntax is indeed handy and with the possibility of using the accusative form of the noun in the same statement it is one rare case in which it turns out to be more terse than Perl's for a similar semantics; but then Perl achieves a higher degree of combined terseness-power in quite about everything else that there's no competition.</p><p>(Incidentally, before someone points out, yes: I am aware of <a href="http://search.cpan.org/perldoc?Lingua::Romana::Perligata">Lingua::Romana::Perligata</a>.)</p><p>Both in Italian and in English we have no declensions either, but for some pronouns. Well, I for one, would like <em>more</em> pronouns in Perl 6, independently of all this madness of a meditation. And then there may be some kind flexion applicated to them. Of course one may imagine that even if so, cases should be at most very common ones like nominative and accusative. But perlative? How could we give a semantically useful significance to a syntax <em>"expressing that something moved 'through', 'across', or 'along' the referent of the pronoun that is marked?"</em> Well, perhaps all this may be useful for some <em> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aspect-oriented_programming">Aspect oriented feature</a>.</em> Which may also be not so bad, in general. In which case the "something" above would be probably any kind of data, and the construction could turn out useful to monitor it, or otherwise manage <em>how</em> it is transferred.</p><p>Well: end ay crazy brainstorming!<nobr> <wbr></nobr>;)</p> blazar 2008-08-01T13:39:31+00:00 journal What a strange kind of... spam?!? http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34839?from=rss <p>I'm not even sure how to call it... I have a <a href="http://www.google.com/alerts?hl=en">Google Alert</a> for err... well... <em>something,</em> and one day it popped up a strange page which I just couldn't reach as it basically only did a redirect to something else, which in turn "failed" - bringing to my home. But downloading it with wget I saw the source and appearently the string I was after was actually in: more precisely the page's content seemed to be built with fragments from other pages, one of which containing my target. It also seems to be regenerated dynamically. For the interested, the url is <a href="http://bolberryhall.com/html/746b/yahoo-japan-mail.html">http://bolberryhall.com/html/746b/yahoo-japan-mail.html</a>. I'm just curious what all this thing is about...</p> blazar 2007-11-05T21:24:14+00:00 journal Perl standard http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34762?from=rss <p>A recent <a href="news:comp.lang.perl.misc">clpmisc</a> <a href="news:HqCdnayxQ7u1QIranZ2dnUVZ_vKunZ2d@comcast.com">post</a> (<a href="http://groups.google.com/groups?threadm=HqCdnayxQ7u1QIranZ2dnUVZ_vKunZ2d@comcast.com">link</a> @ <a href="http://groups.google.com/">GG</a>) resulted in a largely obnoxious and long thread in which amongst other things people talked about the already oft discussed question re whether Perl should be standardized or not.</p><p>In a <a href="news:slrnfi65d4.77r.hjp-usenet2@zeno.hjp.at">post</a> (<a href="http://groups.google.com/groups?threadm=slrnfi65d4.77r.hjp-usenet2@zeno.hjp.at">link</a> @ GG) I just read today, <a href="http://www.hjp.at/">Peter J. Holzer</a> -in reply to a mention of which Larry Rosler's famous <a href="http://www.perl.com/pub/a/2000/06/rosler.html">"ANSI Standard Perl?"</a> interview- pretty much settles the down the question:</p><blockquote><div><p>The argument about the "marketing value" of a standard has some merit. But a standard is neither necessary nor sufficient for success, even in corporate and governmental environments.<br> There is no Windows ISO standard, no Java ISO standard, and yet these are used very widely. OTOH there is an ISO (or at least ANSI) CPU standard (for a subset of the SPARC ABI, IIRC) which nobody cares about and I think the Pascal or BASIC ISO standards are similarily inconsequential. </p><p>Successful standards (like C90 or POSIX) are developed after there have been multiple implementations and when the implementors actually want to converge on a single standard. In the case of an open source interpreted language like perl5 there is little value in a standard. There is only one implementation, a second implementation is unlikely to happen (porting is almost always easier than rewriting from scratch) if it happens compatibility is probably only a minor goal.</p></div> </blockquote> blazar 2007-10-27T13:11:42+00:00 journal Teleportation http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34666?from=rss <p>I've just read a popular science <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/10/10/human.teleportation/index.html">article</a> about <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teleportation">teleportation</a>. Interesting reading apart, as an introducion they say:</p><blockquote><div><p>Admit it -- at one point or another we've all dreamed of being able to teleport. How much easier and less stressful life would be if, at the flick of a switch, we could whisk ourselves direct from home to work without the intervening two hours crushed onto public transport, face wedged into the armpit of an overweight man with a sweat gland problem.</p></div></blockquote><p>Now, I fear that should a public system of teleportation for people and objects come into being, they would manage to arrange it so that you would end up having your face wedged into the armpit of an overweight man with a sweat gland problem, while waiting to be <a href="intothearmpitofanoverweightmanwithasweatglandproblem">beamed up</a>. And when you arrive to destination, it would still be!</p> blazar 2007-10-13T13:19:03+00:00 journal My first time... http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34649?from=rss <p>...uploading something on YouTube. Ok, not that much of a venture: all the kids out there do it all the time. But seriously I made it more difficult than it would have been. Since I took the clips with my camera, but they portray a friend of mine's cat pets, I was overly concerned with privacy. And I changed all settings... just to change them back to the defaults when she told me it was ok to make them public, allow comments, and so on.</p><p>In case anyone wants to see them, <a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=1C8nI1pfjhI&amp;feature=PlayList&amp;p=A496E9DE650986FC&amp;index=0&amp;playnext=1">here they are</a>!</p><p>Back to real world: I'm going now on a daily basis to give them some food and make sure they're fine. They've just arrived and two days ago they were still crying for their mom. Now my friend's home is already their territory, and they're so tender and so funny, playing all the time. What a wonderful life! Eating, sleeping, playing, pooping. That's it! Oh, and tons of caresses and fondling. I'm almost jealous...</p><p>Technically, I'm doing a favour to this friend of mine who is so concerned about her new little acquaintances, but really I'm also benefitting much from this engagement, in this otherwise so horribly depressed and painful period. They speak of pet therapy. I'm beginning to understand... although I've always been and remain skeptical about "cheap" substitutes for human relationships some people turn their love for animals into. (This is not the case with my friend and will never ever be with me.)</p> blazar 2007-10-10T23:57:37+00:00 journal Will it also eventually flourish? http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34640?from=rss <p>Love is <strong>patient,</strong> love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. <br> <small> <a href="http://net.bible.org/verse.php?book=1Co&amp;chapter=13&amp;verse=4">1 Corinthians 13:4</a> </small> </p> blazar 2007-10-09T20:34:01+00:00 journal Pea^H^Hiece of mind http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34489?from=rss <p>sqrt(2)/2 * ( |PD&gt; + i|DC&gt; )</p> blazar 2007-09-20T08:45:45+00:00 journal It's always a pleasure http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34480?from=rss <p>It's always a pleasure when $Larry answers a post of yours. Especially because if he does then he has something interesting and instructive to say. That's what <a href="http://perlmonks.org/?node_id=639714">just happened</a> to me. The "downside", if we really want to call it so, is that now I <em>have</em> read through it all... no I mean: reread through it all, because I did already read it, but I mean really reread it many times till I'm sure to grasp the many points that are now still above the top of my head...</p> blazar 2007-09-18T19:07:37+00:00 journal *Plonk*ed by Abigail... :( http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34443?from=rss <p>Probably by far the least of my problems in life, but not really pleasant either and yet having somehow to do with Perl so perhaps appropriate to this site for once...</p><p> <strong>I've been plonked by Perl hacker extraordinaire Abigail!</strong> </p><p>Lately, I reported or literally copied <em>-with proper attributions!-</em> stuff that I regarded as interesting from <a href="news:comp.lang.perl.misc">clpmisc</a> (<a href="http://groups.google.com/group/comp.lang.perl.misc/">link</a> @ <a href="http://groups.google.com/">GG</a>) to <a href="http://perlmonks.org/">PerlMonks</a> and vice-versa. Incidentally, I'm not doing this on a routinely basis or an in an obtrusive way -I plan on doing that whenever I stumble on an interesting thread, which is to say not too often- but while this was well received well in <a href="http://perlmonks.org/?node_id=638535">one direction</a> and appearently not bad in the other one, today <a href="news:slrnfei5p1.dh.abigail@alexandra.abigail.be">it was not by Abigail</a> (<a href="http://groups.google.com/groups?threadm=slrnfei5p1.dh.abigail@alexandra.abigail.be">link</a> @ GG) who wrote:</p><blockquote><div><p> <cite>Is there a point of reposting perlmonks threads to Usenet? People who are interested in perlmonks already read it. People who don't, well, they don't and there's no need to repost for them.</cite></p></div> </blockquote><p>I (IMHO) kindly replied:</p><blockquote><div><p> <cite>I *do* think that there's a point, for people interested in *Perl* who may like one interface and dislike the other one. And I think there's a point reposting stuff from one place to the other if it contributes to Perl knowledge or is otherwise intriguing. For the future I'll stick to include a [PM] "tag" in the subject for those like you who will want to filter such posts out a priori.</cite></p></div> </blockquote><p>But the further followup is was a:</p><blockquote><div><p> <cite>Goodbye.<br> <br> *PLONK*</cite></p></div> </blockquote><p>For completeness I'm also reporting my reply to Charlton Wilbur who also supported Abigail's position:</p><blockquote><div><p> <tt>On 13 Sep 2007 11:39:28 -0400, Charlton Wilbur<br>&lt;cwilbur@chromatico.net&gt; wrote:<br> <br>&gt;If Perlmonks is lacking in competent and knowledgeable posters, then<br>&gt;perhaps it's time to reexamine their choice of interfaces.&nbsp; And if<br> <br>Well, of course if I see that many people agree with you and Abigail,<br>then I will stop doing so. Not that I do it *routinely* nor that I've<br>done that so many times...<br> <br>However PM is *not* lacking in competent and knowledgeable posters, in<br>fact did the OP in this particular example receive quite a lot of<br>*sensible* answers.<br> <br>Yet the problem seemed interesting enough to be shared: that it was<br>posted there is somewhat of circumstance. If I had stumbled in it by<br>randomly browsing the web and still found it interesting, then I would<br>have posted it here as well.<br> <br>&gt;they're not so lacking, reposting Perlmonks threads here and clpm<br>&gt;threads there serves only to annoy.<br> <br>Well it may be and may not be. I copied there the content of a thread<br>posted here some months ago (with proper attributions) and at<br>&lt;http://perlmonks.org/?node_id=638535&gt; you can read:<br> <br>: ++ for bringing that here, so I read it<nobr> <wbr></nobr>:-)<br>:<br>: I didn't know about @CARP_NOT, so I learned something new today.<br> <br>Also, Uri Guttman and xhoster took a shoot at the actual problem, so<br>they must have found it interesting.<br> <br>Honestly, I don't want to bother anyone. Do you think that<br>occasionally posting here interesting stuff from PM with a suitable<br>tag in the Subject for you and others to easily filter it out would be<br>so bad?</tt></p></div> </blockquote><p>(Further reply and discussion ongoing, for the interested.)</p> blazar 2007-09-13T22:39:45+00:00 journal She's gone... http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34364?from=rss <p>She's gone</p><p>But it wasn't the KKK that took her away</p><p>Just a misunderstanding</p><p>A long series of misunderstandings</p><p>Perhaps deliberate ones?</p><p>Apparent inability to grab the concept of the expression <strong>"I love you"</strong> </p><p>I've never ever said that, was it not the case</p><p>In fact to only three women did I say it</p><p>But it was not enough</p><p>And now, silence...</p><p>Current soundtrack:</p><blockquote><div><p>Hello darkness, my old friend,<br> Ive come to talk with you again,<br> Because a vision softly creeping,<br> Left its seeds while I was sleeping,<br> And the vision that was planted in my brain<br> Still remains<br> Within the sound of silence.<br> <br> In restless dreams I walked alone<br> Narrow streets of cobblestone,<br> neath the halo of a street lamp,<br> I turned my collar to the cold and damp<br> When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of<br> A neon light<br> That split the night<br> And touched the sound of silence.<br> <br> And in the naked light I saw<br> Ten thousand people, maybe more.<br> People talking without speaking,<br> People hearing without listening,<br> People writing songs that voices never share<br> And no one deared<br> Disturb the sound of silence.<br> <br> Fools said I, you do not know<br> Silence like a cancer grows.<br> Hear my words that I might teach you,<br> Take my arms that I might reach you.<br> But my words like silent raindrops fell,<br> And echoed<br> In the wells of silence<br> <br> And the people bowed and prayed<br> To the neon God they made.<br> And the sign flashed out its warning,<br> In the words that it was forming.<br> And the signs said, the words of the prophets<br> Are written on the subway walls<br> And tenement halls.<br> And whisperd in the sounds of silence.</p></div> </blockquote> blazar 2007-09-06T17:29:31+00:00 journal Hospital forthcoming http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34261?from=rss <p>Tomorrow morning. Once again, and less willing to go there than ever... although as a seeming paradox I can recognize a part of me that begins to feel it like home, as a place to recover from the sadness and sorrow of these days. In any case, she won't be there this time, supporting me and making me smile when the world appears to be in the process of falling all over me. No song for today, since I'm listening to some d+b on the background, and nevertheless I just can't feel the beat, nor the breakbeat - they even <em>hurt</em>. Well, to put it briefly, the emotions that that music generally brings to me. As if hypnotized, and not in a positive acceptation... She won't be there, period.</p> blazar 2007-08-29T20:10:15+00:00 journal Lost soul http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34251?from=rss <p>Still waiting for the caress of that sweetest battle angel of mine.<br> As in the psychotic dream of a mecha bride.<br> No way out.</p> blazar 2007-08-28T19:01:25+00:00 journal Now I remember! http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34244?from=rss <p>Now I remember the song I wanted to mention here. It's in Italian, sorry.</p><p>Current soundtrack:</p><blockquote><div><p>Voglio una colla che ripari tutto quello che ho rotto anche i ricordi<br> Voglio una colla per stare bene colla per sogni per andar fuori...<br> Colla colla Spara spara La felicit&#224; La felicit&#224;...<br> Voglio una colla per sentimenti che aggiusti tutto anche i momenti<br> che attacchi a quello da cui mi son staccata amici e amanti voglio aggiustarmi<br> <br> Voglio una colla che ripari tutto quello che ho rotto anche i ricordi<br> Voglio una colla per stare bene colla per sogni per andar fuori...<br> <br> Colla colla Spara spara La felicit&#224; La felicit&#224;...</p></div> </blockquote> blazar 2007-08-28T12:06:56+00:00 journal And what about the song? http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34240?from=rss <p>And what about the "mandatory" song tonight? Well, I had thought of one well (not perfectly, but understand me: what is perfect anyway?) suited to the reality that I expected to come true. But reality surprises us all the time and has much more fantasy than all of us together. So... a few hours ago another one, more appropriated to the new albeit feeble hope to which I'm holding to with all of my strengths sprang to mind. However... it has gone now, and I'm so tired, with a temperature, stunned... I just can't get it back and I only want to go to sleep, with the hope that her whishes of having sweet dreams come true. Sweet dreams my dearest love, wherever you are, sweet dreams to you too.</p> blazar 2007-08-27T22:30:13+00:00 journal Tunnel effect and a temperature at last! http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34239?from=rss <p>It seems that in reality quantum effects <em>do</em> matter, because in classical physics a point of no return is, well, a point of no return. Instead I can now see the pale reflection of the light shadow of a thin veil of hope. <strong>And that's still better than yesterday's complete despair.</strong> She loves me: I'd like to think the contrary and I've even actually thought it, but that's not the case, yet knowing this doesn't make anything easier, or less painful... I think I can understand how she feels: "impossibile to live either with me or without me."</p><p>I still feel so lonely. I've known she's bad and has a temperature because of an infection to a tooth... I feel my place should be at her home, to stand by her. No worry: not worth even thinking of it, I know she wouldn't allow me to, at least in this phase that is.</p><p>Speaking of which, I'm not that well either. More precisely last Thursday I removed the elastomeric pump which I had kept for fourteen days for the continuous infusion of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ifosfamide">ifosfamide</a> at high dosages. My exams revealed that the white blood cells, and neutrophils in particular were low, however the doctor judged the situation to be "border line" and so after some hesitation she decided <em>not</em> to give me a growth factor, but to have me repeat the exams today. In the meanwhile I've moved from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acqui_Terme">Acqui Terme</a> (my mom's city) back to Milan. So I repeated the exams and since the values were worse than the previous ones, I contacted the doctors who "take care" (I should explain the quotes, but that's a whole another story) of me here: they told me that they don't generally give the growth factor in connection with this kind of therapy either, and to further repeat the exams Wednesday. <em>I now have a temperature too.</em> And I can feel it raising in a rush. Yahooo!!</p> blazar 2007-08-27T21:25:41+00:00 journal Point of no return http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34227?from=rss <p>And can't even find an appropriate song to say goodbye. <em>Above all, dominating the world, an infinite sadness, while indeed, all your dreams get trampled in the dust.</em> </p><p>The doubt of not having done the right thing. But when you're a worthless actor anyway, who cares? I mean: who <strong>really</strong> cares? Who <strong>really</strong> loves you? Mom and dad, supposedly. Indeed they do... Yet you just can't live without <strong>her</strong>, because you gave <strong>her</strong> all of your heart, all of your soul so that she could bite them, bringing away pieces of them forever -the best ones- and breaking the rest. But she doesn't really understand, and her choice is firm... so this is just the end. Period.</p><p>Soundtrack:</p><blockquote><div><p>I don't wanna live<br> to be thirty-four<br> I don't wanna die<br> in a nuclear war<br> <br> go on out<br> get some more<br> go on out<br> to the bar, the market or the liquor store<br> <br> I don't wanna live<br> to be fourthy-three<br> I don't like<br> what I see going on around me<br> <br> go on out<br> get some more<br> go on out<br> get fucked up and pass out on the floor<br> go on out<br> get some more<br> go on out<br> to your favorite liquor store<br> go on out<br> don't worry about it any more<br> go on out<br> get fucked up<br> I don't know what for<br> <br> I don't wanna live<br> to be fifty-seven<br> <em>I'm living in hell</em> <br> <em>is there a heaven?</em> <br> <br> live fast, die young!<br> live fast, die young!<br> live fast, die young!<br> live fast, die young!</p></div> </blockquote> blazar 2007-08-26T22:01:06+00:00 journal All things dull and ugly http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34218?from=rss <p>...as in a Monty Python's song. Except without the fun. Saddest thing is, <strong>outside</strong> it was a wonderful day. It could even be a wonderful world. It just isn't.</p><p>Current soundtrack:</p><blockquote><div><p>Like a rock, like a planet,<br> Like a fucking atom bomb,<br> <em>I'll remain unperturbed by the joy and the madness<br> That I encounter everywhere I turn,</em> <br> I've seen it all along,<br> In books and magazines,<br> Like a twitch before dying,<br> Like a pornographic sea,<br> <em>There's a flower behind the window,</em> <br> There's an ugly laughing man,<br> Like a hummingbird in silence,<br> Like the blood on my door,<br> It's the generator<br> <br> Oh yeah, oh yeah, like the blood on my door,<br> <em>Wash me clean and I will run until I reach the shore,</em> <br> I've known it all along <em>like the bone under my skin,</em> <br> Like actors in a photograph,<br> Like paper in the wind,<br> There's a hammer by the window,<br> There's a knife on the floor,<br> Like turbines in darkness,<br> Like the blood on my door,<br> It's the generator</p></div> </blockquote> blazar 2007-08-25T20:28:29+00:00 journal And http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34216?from=rss <p>And when you eventually receive a message, it sounds like a sadistic joke played on you. And even having to answer that message, to pick up the mobile an press those tiny buttons suddenly becomes an overwhelming task. Talking bullshit, the funcking trademarked Right Thing: you don't count anything, anyway, right?</p> blazar 2007-08-25T11:57:46+00:00 journal Living, living and partly living http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34215?from=rss <p>I'm reminded of those verses. That's how I feel now...</p><p>Living, living and partly living is to wake up and to not want to get up, not because of the warm sensation and the pleasure of lying there, but because you feel like a corpse and you seem not to be able to get up.</p><p>Living, living and partly living: gettin up not because you want to, but because you know you have to, with no enthusiasm at all for anything. Life included.</p><p>No enthusiasm for the big and little things that used to fill your life: to turn on the computer and read mail? To write in clpmisc or PerlMonks? And why? To help people? Or to boost my own ego like whiners claim? Which ego... I don't have an ego any more: I feel like saying that I'm half the man I used to be, but after having been much more, after having tasted what it is to live as opposed to to survive, I am <em>much less.</em> And there's only one person that could kill this pain, but she doesn't want to. And she is causing it...</p><p>Firing up the mail client and knowing in advance that there won't be any mail from her, turning on the mobile phone and knowing that you won't receive the "have a good day" message from her. A sense of void that words can't express.</p><p>Living, living and partly living: having so many more things to say, and not being able to finish this own note, not because you don't have the time to, but because pressing the keys seems such a overwhelming duty... and all so useless... what can my poor words do? Writing this very phrase and going back to bed, not because of the pleasure of doing so but because there's nothing satisfactory, nothing that could bring the slightest bit of joy to your life: this is living, living and partly living.</p> blazar 2007-08-25T09:22:12+00:00 journal Alien http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34208?from=rss <p>Soundtrack:</p><blockquote><div><p>Everyday convince myself of everything I can and can't believe<br> Abused confused<br> Everyday you feel every crime just stare up at the sky and wonder why<br> Afraid deranged<br> <br> Hold on to your promise you can use it for a crutch<br> Stand by while all your dreams are trampled in the dust<br> Leave now before your slick machines begin to rust<br> Last chance farewell<br> Among us<br> <br> Everyday you get a little bit older and everything gets hard you wonder why<br> Afraid deranged<br> Everyday you feel every crime an endless shocking show on the parade<br> Abused confused<br> <br> Everyday convince myself of everything I can and can't<br> Believe<br> Afraid deranged<br> <br> Hold on to your promise you can use it for a crutch<br> Stand by while all your dreams are trampled in the dust<br> Leave now before your slick machines begin to rust<br> Last chance farewell<br> Among us<br> <br> Among us<br> <br> Where are the aliens? we're the aliens<br> Where are the aliens? we're the aliens</p></div> </blockquote> blazar 2007-08-24T17:51:28+00:00 journal Saddest day and some relief http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34174?from=rss <p>Yesterday was certainly the saddest day ever since I got diagnosed cancer. It's been terrible up until this evening: crisis, fights, lies, but you see... I can now understand - lies told because in some sense it was right to tell them... to cover a truth that's hard to cope with... just as hard as reality. And reality is there, unlike a dream it won't vanish after you wake up. But reality is also wonderful, and then it's nice that it's a like a dream that doesn't vanish... and in reality sometimes you, and surely I, have to fight. But that's a fight you can feel rooted deep inside yourself the reason why to fight it. And eventually, the truth. Eventually, something you can make sense of. Less sadness? Oh no! Something that you can manage, though. <em>I want to shot my destiny.</em> Eventually, some relief. Some relief: fears and doubts were worse, believe that. Some relief at last.</p> blazar 2007-08-21T21:47:07+00:00 journal Yves Klein - I fondamenti del Judo (Foundations of Judo) http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/34048?from=rss <p>I've just been given this book: a nice surprise because I did know that the artist, one of XX century's most influential, had been a judoka, but I didn't know that Judo actually had <em>such an important role</em> in his life and in his art (in this respect very interesting are the introductory parts) and that he had even written a book. It seems that only recently has it been reprinted in France and that it was formerly unpublished in Italy.</p><p>As far as the technic content goes, it has to do with Judo's six classic katas: I've not really read this part yet, but at first sight in its <em>essentiality</em> it seems well done. Maybe it won't be the ultimate technical handbook, but IMHO it will be absolutely interesting to all Judo practicing people who want to look at the study of katas from the -<em>appropriate</em>- perspective of an artist, who seemingly gained a sound understanding of them.</p><p>Plus: the border of the pages is in authentic <a href="http://www.international-klein-blue.com/">IKB</a>!</p> blazar 2007-08-08T15:15:36+00:00 journal And then she may even be surprised... http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/33900?from=rss <p>...That instead of of talking to her I'm writing to a crowd of possible nerds worldwide. But what is she doing in the meantime?</p> blazar 2007-07-28T01:43:16+00:00 journal I'm a liar! http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/33875?from=rss <p>One can't imagine how frustrating it is that I cannot seem to find the time and resources to keep up with the journal and write in it anything that I consider to be serious and worthwile in my life... so I'll cope by occasionally writing random observations and minor issues...</p><p> <strong>I'm a liar:</strong> amongst my<nobr> <wbr></nobr>.sig's I've had for some time (a year, two?) the following:</p><blockquote><div><p>Fuckin hell how could we resist that?<br> - Johnny Rotten, Live in Chemsford Prison.</p></div> </blockquote><p>Well, it popped up the other day, and for one thing I corrected it to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chelmsford">Chelmsford Prison</a>. Then I checked my archives and found out that it was the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filthy_Lucre_Live">Filthy Lucre Live</a>. And knowing what the latter is I'm not sure I want to keep this<nobr> <wbr></nobr>.sig, but... WTF! In any event and just to be sure, I'm a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Never_Mind_the_Bollocks%2C_Here's_the_Sex_Pistols">liar</a> which is coincidence that applies nicely here. But I still prefer the concept as expressed in the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pennywise_(band)">Pennywise</a>'s <em> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pennywise_(album)">No Reason Why</a> (why we lie to ourselves and anyone else!)</em> - even if I feel that applies to a former stage of my life. OTOH we're what our past built. Hence, as I said I must be a liar, and just to be even more sure, <em>nobody's innocent.</em> </p> blazar 2007-07-24T22:29:03+00:00 journal "Used rarely" http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/33742?from=rss <p>So yesterday I updated to the latest release of <a href="http://www.activestate.com/">AS</a>'s <a href="http://www.activestate.com/Products/ActivePerl/">ActivePerl</a> on my windoze pc. To do so, I first uninstalled the previous one. I noticed, in the control panel, that it was described as <em>"used rarely":</em> <strong>Funny!</strong> (Actually, my windoze copy is in Italian, so I don't know if that's <em>literally</em> what would have got out in the English version.)</p> blazar 2007-07-08T13:45:24+00:00 journal Scars http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/33685?from=rss <ul> <li>First scar in my flesh in... well, months: after all I've undergone surgical treatments. And now: bitten by ravers' dogs. Go figure!</li><li>First scar in my hearth in... ages. For some time it seemed completely impossible. Always hurts like the first time!</li></ul> blazar 2007-07-04T19:42:48+00:00 journal Yep http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/33673?from=rss <strong>I'm in love.</strong> What else could I add? blazar 2007-07-03T15:46:13+00:00 journal I'm selfish http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/33639?from=rss <p>I'm selfish. So I have been said. Actually I think I am. <em>But not in the form and for the reasons that have been addressed to support the claim.</em> Nor did I really understood them. Moreover, it is well known that when the person who will tell you so is one in the regards of whom you prove a particularly intense feeling... you won't accept it with such a light heart. After all I'm a very common person. A common, selfish person... and perhaps I grew too involved. Too involved with respect to the limits I had thought to have chosen, limits within the reach of which I had illusorily assumed I could safely stay, out of rational control... as a form of self defense... because self defense <em>does</em> sense in my case... rational control: bullshit! <strong>Perhaps I simply fell in love.</strong> And if so, then I don't know if I'm more excited about it or scared, and that's the scary part. Why does it have to be so difficult?</p> blazar 2007-06-29T17:37:17+00:00 journal Speaking about seeing patterns in the static... http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/33594?from=rss <p>Today I went to a big media store here in Milan. I noticed a dvd of a movie called <strong> <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0264395/">Basic</a> </strong> (2003). To quote the tagline from the <a href="http://www.imdb.com/">IMDb</a>, <em>"Deception is their most dangerous weapon."</em> (Also on the cover box.) Whoa! I stay happily hooked with <strong>Perl</strong> instead.</p> blazar 2007-06-24T20:24:46+00:00 journal Current soundtrack! http://use.perl.org/~blazar/journal/33592?from=rss <p> <a href="http://www.novenove.it/">99 Posse</a>'s <a href="http://www.novenove.it/99posse/discografia99/cerco/03-02.html">Non c'&#232; tempo</a>. Tagline/refrain: <strong>"Tiempo cerca o&#8217; tiempo e tiempo nun ce ne sta"</strong>. Translation (mine, hard and poor): <em>"Time seachin' time and time you can't find".</em> </p><p>Come to think of it... I realize I'm compulsively and intensely thinking of the lyrics... thinking of them wrt my own life as a whole. Thinking of all my life, of the last year, of the last months, of the last days, of the last minutes. And all, at different levels and interpretations, every which of them just connected to the other. Ok, I'm saying and not saying: I'm simply brainstorming. The storm is in me, and it'd better stay within me. I still have fears and dreads - but for some reason at the same time I'm feeling "violently happy" now: ain't it strange dudes? Ok, that's it!</p> blazar 2007-06-24T19:39:27+00:00 journal