It seems that in reality quantum effects do matter, because in classical physics a point of no return is, well, a point of no return. Instead I can now see the pale reflection of the light shadow of a thin veil of hope. And that's still better than yesterday's complete despair. She loves me: I'd like to think the contrary and I've even actually thought it, but that's not the case, yet knowing this doesn't make anything easier, or less painful... I think I can understand how she feels: "impossibile to live either with me or without me."
I still feel so lonely. I've known she's bad and has a temperature because of an infection to a tooth... I feel my place should be at her home, to stand by her. No worry: not worth even thinking of it, I know she wouldn't allow me to, at least in this phase that is.
Speaking of which, I'm not that well either. More precisely last Thursday I removed the elastomeric pump which I had kept for fourteen days for the continuous infusion of ifosfamide at high dosages. My exams revealed that the white blood cells, and neutrophils in particular were low, however the doctor judged the situation to be "border line" and so after some hesitation she decided not to give me a growth factor, but to have me repeat the exams today. In the meanwhile I've moved from Acqui Terme (my mom's city) back to Milan. So I repeated the exams and since the values were worse than the previous ones, I contacted the doctors who "take care" (I should explain the quotes, but that's a whole another story) of me here: they told me that they don't generally give the growth factor in connection with this kind of therapy either, and to further repeat the exams Wednesday. I now have a temperature too. And I can feel it raising in a rush. Yahooo!!