Yesterday was certainly the saddest day ever since I got diagnosed cancer. It's been terrible up until this evening: crisis, fights, lies, but you see... I can now understand - lies told because in some sense it was right to tell them... to cover a truth that's hard to cope with... just as hard as reality. And reality is there, unlike a dream it won't vanish after you wake up. But reality is also wonderful, and then it's nice that it's a like a dream that doesn't vanish... and in reality sometimes you, and surely I, have to fight. But that's a fight you can feel rooted deep inside yourself the reason why to fight it. And eventually, the truth. Eventually, something you can make sense of. Less sadness? Oh no! Something that you can manage, though. I want to shot my destiny. Eventually, some relief. Some relief: fears and doubts were worse, believe that. Some relief at last.