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VSarkiss (704)

VSarkiss
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I haven't really taken the time to set this up, but you can look at my home node [perlmonks.org] on Perl Monks.

Journal of VSarkiss (704)

Tuesday May 30, 2006
09:16 AM

Turning a corner

[ #29755 ]

I don't often write about deeply personal things in this journal. Sometimes my entries are Perl or FOSS related, sometimes not. But I think I need to write down some things for my own future reference.

Some may know I've fought depression off and on for many years, and for the last two or three years, I've gone thru a hard battle. In September I tracked down a psychotherapist that I'd worked with successfully many years ago, and began seeing her regularly, sometimes as much as three times a week. It's expensive and difficult, but it's starting to pay off. A couple of weeks ago, I broke thru some tough issues, and my mood has lifted significantly.

I'm not out of the woods yet. My current client assignment is very frustrating and un-rewarding, so it's compounding the problem. When I have time to myself, I'm still tempted to hide in my cave rather than face the world.

I'd like this whole episode to be over. I just want to celebrate and declare victory, but I can't -- not yet. I've had success, but I still need to keep working at it. Though my attitude's changed, I still need to get all my life's supports back together.

The most joyful thing in my life is still my family. I'm hoping things will slow down in a few weeks when school lets out for summer. My wife will be teaching summer session, which is not as time-consuming -- we hope -- so we'll have a little less pressure and more free time.

So as I turn the corner and continue trudging the road to happiness, I'll mark some mileposts here, to remind myself of my journey and progress.

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  • You’re not the only one to have trodden that road. I know how difficult work it is. Me, now that I’m no longer in a bad place, I’ve lost some of the will to continue working onward and have been lingering, though I have a ways yet ahead of me. I’ll need to untangle a ball of interdependent problematic situations before it will seem compelling to resume grinding away at it, though. You seem to be making good progress; congrats.

    • Thanks for the encouragement. I hope you find your way too.

      As you said, sometimes the mundane and ordinary side of life is hardest to overcome. To quote Chekhov: "Any idiot can face a crisis. It is this day-to-day living that wears you out."

  • Congratulations. After 15 of Freudian psychoanalysis myself I know something of what you're going through.