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TorgoX (1933)

TorgoX
  sburkeNO@SPAMcpan.org
http://search.cpan.org/~sburke/

"Il est beau comme la retractilité des serres des oiseaux rapaces [...] et surtout, comme la rencontre fortuite sur une table de dissection d'une machine à coudre et d'un parapluie !" -- Lautréamont

Journal of TorgoX (1933)

Tuesday March 19, 2002
07:28 PM

"Change it, Beavis"

[ #3656 ]
Dear Log,

The news keeps going on and on about that pesky ethnic civil war in Philistia. It's so dull! Well, it used to be very compelling, very high concept -- you know, like Battlebots! Except with meat.

So I'm thinking of kill-filing the whole thing in my news bot. I mean, it's got action alright, but it's really poorly edited. It's worse than football! And the script goes nowhere, and the writer has a tin ear for dialogue; all anyone ever says is "This'll teach 'em a lesson!", which of course never really works. It's getting as dull as Passions was after Heccuba left!

I wanna see coked-up fightin' cyborgs, shaolin sky-fighting, swordplay, and maybe some Mila Jojovich muay tai foxy boxing in catsuits. What do I get? Dogfaced fifteen-year-olds bleeding to death, and the smell of charred flesh -- as if that worked well on screen! And endless footage of endless waits at checkpoints, and everyone is badly dressed, without even a solid Africanized destitution/desperation look that would at least pull in some street cred. It's a cinematic worst case scenario! And there's no excuse -- I mean, the budget is there for Christsakes! But then, the Philistines could never make a decent movie anyhow.

At this point, not even Tarrantino could make this interesting. I want a refund.

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  • This is the second part of the trilogy. Think the middle episode of Back to the Future where they went to the future and everything was the same as it was before only moreso. If you stick with it, don't worry, you'll be rewarded with a good old-fashioned old we^H^Heast fight at the end, complete with trains, dames, horses, and handlebar moustachios.