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TorgoX (1933)


"Il est beau comme la retractilité des serres des oiseaux rapaces [...] et surtout, comme la rencontre fortuite sur une table de dissection d'une machine à coudre et d'un parapluie !" -- Lautréamont

Journal of TorgoX (1933)

Thursday March 07, 2002
11:00 PM

Charm School

[ #3369 ]
Dear Log,

I think every CS program should have a "charm school" section of its curriculum, where people can be taught things like:

  • when someone asks whether they can show you something they've written, do not reply by telling them, in agonizing detail, how hard your job is, and how you probably will not like whatever they've written "but go ahead, try and show me anyway".
  • The salad fork is the smaller one.
  • Also, do not Xerox your ass at work.
  • And try to not use the word 'motherfucker' more than twice a minute, at least not in formal business correspondence.
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  • And let people finish their sentences, even if you know exactly what they're going to say and the many different ways it's wrong. You'll get your chance to show you're smart when you work out a solution that makes everyone happy.
    • Do you have to let them finish their paragraph?
      • Ha -- only if they have seemed to cover one or more major points of their argument and they seem to be fond (as some authors are) of creating sentences (and even paragraphs) of interminable length that just ramble on and on about whatever comes in their mind even if that something is only tangentially related to the original point (which, honestly, sometimes would be a blessing) and does nothing to further their argument (which was wrong in the first place).
  • And try to not use the word 'motherfucker' more than twice a minute, at least not in formal business correspondence.

    Unless you're a pissed-off gnat. ;-)

    • I always save `motherfucker' for information business correspondence, preferring `pokerchoker' in formal situations. I believe there was a "Miss Motherfuckin' Manners" column on this a while ago.


  • Or how's about this, based on what we in linguistics call the "conduit metaphor/fallacy":

    Assume that everything you say is the model of total clarity, and anytime someone reacts oddly to hearing what you said, assume that they are being ignorant or crude. Insult them accordingly; after all, you are right, and they started it all what with their being ignorant and crude!

    • For extra credit: tell everyone how their ignorance/crudeness made you feel all bad inside, which exacerbates their ignorance/crudeness.