use Perl

Dear Log,

«"Almost certainly this is preparation for a roundup after the next 9/11 for Mid-Easterners, Muslims and possibly dissenters," says Daniel Ellsberg, a former military analyst who in 1971 released the Pentagon Papers, the U.S. military's account of its activities in Vietnam. "They've already done this on a smaller scale, with the 'special registration' detentions of immigrant men from Muslim countries, and with Guantanamo."»

--"Homeland Security Contracts for Vast New Detention Camps"

«Granite Shadow is yet another new Top Secret and compartmented operation related to the military's extra-legal powers regarding weapons of mass destruction. It allows for emergency military operations in the United States without civilian supervision or control.

[...] I can't see how the Defense Department can continue this line of argument post-Katrina. We see the human cost of a system of contingency planning done in complete secret, with a lack of any debate as to what should be the federal government's priorities, emphasis, and rules.»

--"Top Secret Pentagon Operation "Granite Shadow" revealed."

Oh my no, those aren't contracts for massive military-run detention camps -- it's just the nurturing and competent US government planning to provide us with free day spas plus a whole chain of comedy clubs, to relive the comedy explosion of the '80s!!

We will all get "mani-pedis" and then take in the comedy stylings of the next Tim Allen -- and it was going to be a surprise gift, until all you cynical interweb blog people ruined it!!!