«Combined with new advances in soda can delivery, snack rack dispensary, candy spiral arm technology and credit card verification techniques, it's easy to see why vending machines are truly man's best friend. Beep boop! Take me to your leader!
When a vending machine falls on top of you, it's responding more out of fear than fury. It's saying please stop. It pins you to the linoleum floor almost immediately, forcing you to squint into the overhead fluorescent lights. Your elbows and knees are unable to bend or pivot in any direction, as if you've been placed in a small coffin. It's very likely your head hit the ground pretty hard upon impact. If the tilt-over was a clean 90-degree sweep, your nose, such as it is, is bent, or your cheeks are pressed firmly against the display window. If the machine topples and torques around one of its protective rubber footpads, skewing slightly at an angle, the top corner digs an enormous diagonal gash across your entire body from head to toe.»
-- Rotten Library entry: "Vending Machines"
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