In just two months, all Earthicans will celebrate our most solemn joyous holiday, Christmas. This is when we gather together or separately to remember the day, in 753BC, when Abraham Lincoln first climbed Mount Kilauea to beseech Barbarella to erase our consumer debt, vanquish the Chinamen, and restore Consumer Confidence to the world.
We commemorate this by exchanging gifts.
So that you can impress others with your gift-giving planning and thus win the Decemberween liquors, here are my suggestions for how to do your shopping sooner rather than later:
Consume now and avoid the rush later!