I must preface this rant with the disclaimer that I am slightly biased against chocolate because I really don't like the stuff. But really, that doesn't bother me as much as the fact that entrepreneurs are trying to "brand" fine chocolate as an item with cachet. I am tired of the constant "gotta know all about it to be hip"-ness that is generation X.
First, to my memory, it was coffee... "A latte machine in every house and a Starbucks on every corner"; talk of Arabica beans, fruity flavors and bitter finishes. Coffee, in my opinion, is black, thick stuff that you chug very hot next to a campfire while it rains. While smoking a Camel straight. It is not foamy. It does not have a cinnamon sprinkle on top. And for God's sake, it does not get served by some girl with lip piercings, tattoos, and shorter hair than Ollie North.
Next was Beer. Manly, sudsy beer that came in aluminum cans for $3 a six pack is now "hip" and sold in designer bottles for $8 apiece. There's a brewpub on every corner where the hip gather to drink the latest doppelbock and discuss the year's crop of fuggle hops. Sounds like a conversation out of Harry Potter.
Then, they hijacked Tequila. Few things are more manly or less prone to "hipness" than Tequila. But they did it. How many of our Grandfathers knew what blue agave was? Tequila is supposed to be about college parties, in which newly-freed college girls drop their inhibitions on the floor with their bras, and the taste and smell of your puke the next morning. It is not congac. It is not "fruity".
Now, Chocolate is on it's way to hipness. At least chocolate was never manly... when was the last time you saw Indiana Jones bite a big chunk of a Hershey bar? Chocolate is for women. And that's fine... but Dove chocolate is no longer going to be good enough to say "Sorry I drank too much and peed in the fireplace at our engagement party". Soon, you're going to have to order a box of chocolate off the internet, FedEx'd so that it doesn't go bad in shipping. You'll have to pay $74 a pound for something that should cost 75 cents at the local grocery store.
You'll have to surrender to hipness now... because now it's to please your wife.
I hope mine never reads this.