What I really really want is Slash or Everything2 running in DBD::SQLite.
Actually I'm not entirely sure that's what I want either. I just want a simple news system with comments that runs totally self contained (the self contained part is important to me - I don't want to maintain a database and I don't want to run a separate daemon).
So I'm writing one in AxKit, because they all seem too complex for my simple needs right now. It's a shame really, as I'll probably grow to want all those extra features, and maybe it'll be a lesson learned well. But I know how I am, and so if I can build something like this in a day or two, I probably will (and I think I can, having written a lot of O'Reilly's WebBoard4Unix - which is a lot more complex than I need).