use Perl

• Please sign here... (Score:1)

  by Beatnik (493)

  Ask em for big cash, ask them to sign a form that sells you their soul for a donut and wait an awfull long time (cashing big money per hour) before responding, telling them it can't be done but that you will hire someone to do it for you (which will cost them even extra).
• Shotgun (Score:2)

  by krellis (2720)

  Suggest the use of a shotgun. Works every time. And it really doesn't matter which of the involved parties they use it on (as long as it's not you, anyway :))
• Polite refusal. (Score:2)

  by schwern (1528)

  Assuming this is just some random newbie question out of the blue...

  Sorry, but I'm not a PHP programmer and cannot answer your question. Furthermore, its considered a bit rude to email folks you don't know about technical questions unrelated to them.

  The person you probably want to ask is your server admin or hosting company.
• Send 'em to Perlmonks (Score:2)

  by dws (341)

  Folks wander in to PerlMonks [perlmonks.org] with questions like the every day. They usually get help, though it's often the help they need, and not the help they're asking for.
• form mail (Score:2)

  by ask (83)

  I have a standard reply I send to most questions like that, it goes something like "Thanks for your mail. This is a standard reply. Unfortunately I don't have time to help you directly and it's quite likely I don't even know anything about the topic on which you are asking. Here is a few links to places that might be able to help: (and then links to how to subscribe to the beginners lists, perlmonks etc)."
  
    - ask

  --
  

  -- ask bjoern hansen [askbjoernhansen.com], !try; do();